Chemotherapy and Radiation, a Love/Hate Relationship.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.

                                                                                 Johnny Nash 

Finally finished with the Radiology!

    On Wednesday, we reached the final goal in round two! We said goodbye to our old friends, radiology and chemotherapy! It is a great physical relief to have this process complete! We celebrated with Family most of the afternoon, and though it meant napping most of the way home, it meant many sigh's of relief as well.

    FYI... GBM (Glioblastoma Multiforme) is the most aggressive form of Cancer there is. Most people find out they have a brain tumor, have surgery to remove as much as they can, and then SURPRISE... it grows back! The standard operating procedure is to let your brain heal, usually 3-4 weeks, and then start an aggressive battle with a combination of tactics. We chose (who am I kidding, the Rockstar Dr chose) Radiation, Temodar (Chemotherapy), and a clinical trial. If your going into a fight, take the biggest guns you got!

    After a week or so, we had an adverse reaction to the clinical drug. This was not fun (as I wrote about before) but the Dr's were quick to cut our losses and gave up on that sticking with the other two. After getting back on track,we set about our pattern.

    Everyone who goes through this process will have a different experience. I have found what I feel is a great resource for me on Facebook. It is called https://www.facebook.com/groups/gbm4cure/. This was the best and at the same time the worst thing I have ever read, and do not recommend it for anyone who is mildly inquisitive. It is a sometimes happy, sometimes incredibly sad look into the world of anyone who is dealing with GBM or loving someone who's dealing with GBM. I could only read a little, then cry and look away. Over a couple of weeks, I built up the callouses in my heart and found that most of these family's are reaching out to each other for advise, and comfort, and celebration. It's been a source of strength and sadness. Mostly, a kindred-ship of a family unlucky enough to have to fight the horrible Dragon to lean on each other.

     I am lucky, the toxic combination had a fairly small impact on me. I had to be very careful about when I ate, what I ate, and making sure the medicines were on schedule. Other than that, I learned what the definition of "Fatigue" was. I was tired everyday. I came home, ate lunch and slept for 4 hours every afternoon. I would progressively, go downhill as the week wore on and slept most of the weekend. By Monday, I was better and back to fighting again. Luckily, no sickness, minimal pain and generally just worn out.

    The Silver Cloud? It ends! After 4-6 weeks, they give you your final treatment, tell you take 3 weeks off from Chemo and send you away from the hospital! I feel amazing! Afyer the first day, you feel like that Claritan commercial where all becomes incredibly clear. I also have my energy back! I am not foggy             ( Although I will still use the excuse, hey, It's Brain Cancer!) and I am able to eat when and what I want. Life is good!

    If you are in the trenches going through this, I am sorry. Its not easy or fun, but it's your best and first shot at beating back the Dragon. Just know that there is a little light at the end and battle on. We will get the MRI on Sept 10 and I am sure the scanziety will kick in before then but for the next few weeks, I will cook for Sweet Mary, play with my sweet grandbabies and hang with good friends in the knowledge that Dave Matthews is right, Life is short but sweet for certain.

    To all my friends, thank you for sacrificing and driving me, writing me my beautiful letters, and just being the amazing people you are. My family...this "struggle" is just proof that our Love holds no bounds. You set down your lives and carry me when I am weak. Our bond is eternal! Thanks All. Hug each other and share as much Love as you can.

   Skip

My Great Loves III

They are one person, they are two alone, they are three together, they are four each other.

Crosby Stills Nash and Young 

At the Old House

    I was so anxious to move out when I graduated High School, that I had actually put a deposit on an apartment the week before I graduated. I was working full time and move into my own place the weekend after graduation. This.... was heaven. Solitude. I could buy cookies, or coffee and it was still there the next day! I would put away records and they would stay in the jackets! I could just enjoy my private, personal life.

    There was only one problem. I had no concept of budgeting or planning . I would get paid, party hard , and be broke by Monday! It only took me till August before I had no phone, no power and no real food to speak of. Luckily, a friend of mine from DECA was working at a restaurant. Her name was Heather ( she is the reason I named my Daughter Heather because she was beautiful and kind and I liked both trademarks) and she arranged for an impromptu interview with the manager. If any of you ever worked at a Sambos or a Denny's or a similar all night restaurant you know you don't need a lot of skills! I wore my best Disco pant's and polyester shirt ( Angels Flight, google it) and was hired immediately. I was a host. My job the first night consisted of sitting drunk guy's in the cute waitresses section and drunk women in the hot waiters section! It was easy, busy and time flew! I would pour coffee and by 4:30 a.m. I had earned a free meal and a $5.00 tip! I walked back to my apartment, stopped by the 7-11 for 8 ounces of Folgers and a pack of Marlboro's and quickly fell asleep in the happiness of simple capitalism!

     About 2 weeks later, as the bar rush hit, two very attractive ladies were seated in my section. I introduced myself and met my true companion. Her name was Mary Bodey, she had moved to Colorado to go to college, and she had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen! By the fact that she returned and ate scallops almost every night for a week, I assumed she was interested as well. Eventually, we started dating and within a couple of months, we were living in sin. After all it was the Seventies!

    As I came to know this lady, I realized one major factor. She was everything calm, that my life had been crazy. She was raised, in the same home, by two parents, had always gone to the same school and had a depth of spirit that could slow my madness down and make everything right. And even bigger than that, she had a depth of Love and loyalty that I had never known.In a matter of months, I knew that at any time,she would take up her sword and protect me, right or wrong, and it gave me a whole new outlook on my life. We married on June 23,1979.

Mary 1979

    It took us 4 years, but finally we were blessed with the birth of our son Christopher. He was (and is) an amazing constant source of joy. 13 months later, the delight of my life, Heather came into the world. We had the perfect circle. Life was a blessing as I finally became the Father i never had.

    In 1987, the oil boom in Colorado had hit the skids. It was hard times and work was scarce. We finally bit it, took out bankruptcy and decided we needed new horizons. We were down to 3 choices and after much discussion opted for Seattle. We sold most everything we had, scraped together $1900.00 and headed for the Northwest.

    I will tell you a great secret. Seattle is a most wonderful place. If you've never been here,do so. It is a beautiful, gentle vibrant place with kind people and great heart. It doesn't rain here as much as people say and even when it does, its a soft rain. There are mountains, and oceans, and trails, and the history of the area is amazing. I studied the history and take great pride in pretending to know about growing up in this wonderful city. It is my home, and will always be. Denver is a great place, but Seattle lives within me.

     Moving here, we had no family or friends. Mary's family lived out at the very end of the state, so we saw them rarely. This was a mixed blessing. Without others around, we became a closer, tighter family. We did everything with our children, camped, played games, played catch every night and most importantly, grew a tightness around us that still holds us today. The small seed that Mary had started in 1979 had grown into a warm loving family that relished in our bond. My life had become a strength, a compass, that I had grown up being envious of. I am a very lucky man.

    As adults, both Chris and Heather have been blessed to meet their true companions. They are raising babies, working, and mapping out their own futures, much to my joy. But as I sit back and reflect on the path that fate has skipped us down, I know this. Mary has always been my caregiver, and me hers. We have seen youth, and passion, and anger, and aging, and of course, cancer. In the end there is a calm tranquility that tells me " Everything is fine, Mary's here".

    Bless you if you are fortunate to have found your soul mate. Not everyone does. But more importantly, let those around you know that success is not a tangible thing but a strength that can't be quelled! May your circle keep rolling around! Enjoy every day

Skip