Happy New Year

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne*?

For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak' a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Robert Burns

     Ok, I'll admit it, I am a Wikipedia junkie. I have been since I was a little child. No, no that's not true, when I was a little kid we didn't have the internet, we would go to the library and research, but Wiki is so much easier and right here in my smartlaptoptablet thingy! If I want to know about say, Hank Williams, or Billy Holiday, or "What did Marco Polo do that made him famous?" it's all on there, subject to verification of course.It's probably where all of us looked up Teddy Kennedy and his GBM and it's always fascinating.

    This morning as my brain rambles through many things ( the beauty of ADD is you can and usually do have a brain that rambles through many things), I was thinking about New Years Eve and 2015 and of course, got the song above stuck in my head. Where did this originate and what are the words? Wikipedia to the rescue! It is a very old Scot tradition. Groups circle up, cross arms and hold hands as they sing it. At the end, they all come to the center of the circle,hug each other and wish each all happiness and health in the New Year.

    What a wonderful tradition! After the craziest year in my life, nothing sounds better than wishing each other that we forget the past, and hope for a great future. Holding hands with those you Love and sharing a great fellowship.

    As we enter the year 2015, let's all share our Love and kindness with those around us. Lets hope for each other a positivity that will keep us full of  happiness good health! Let's hope for great medical research and mostly, a cure.

    Again, thank you for reading my ramblings. You have all blessed me so much with your information, Love and carings. Know that whether I am fully mentally here or partially, I still am glad that I have been able to talk and share and be a small part of your life.

Should auld aquaintence be forgot and never brought to mind
Should Auld aquaintance be forgot in days of Auld lang sine
For Auld Lang sine my dear, for AUld Lang sine
We'll take a cup of kindness  yet
In days of Auld Lang Sine

Hug each other, forgive often, and know that you are blessed for every day you breath!

Happy New Year!!!

Skip

Back to the salt mine

You load sixteen ton's and what do you get, another day older and deeper in debt. Saint Peter don't call me cuz I can't go, I owe my soul to the company store.

George S Davis

     My Grandad was a working man. He was a beet picker as a kid, working in the fields from the time he was 12 and because he had a sixth grade education, as a man, he became a machinist. Machinist's are precision, and quality masters. They measure things with micrometers and are very committed to preciseness. He took great pride in his craft, and I feel he was the reason i have a strong work commitment ethic. I Loved my grandad and his strong German pride! He was a great role model for us growing up.

      
       As you may have noticed, I have taken a little break since the great Fundraiser/Party our dear friends put together.Two reasons for this. First, our second MRI came back and it also was clear! Now we wait 2 more months before our next MRI, still taking the Chemo, still taking a myriad of seizure meds, BP meds, and various other meds, but getting by.

      The second reason is I am finally getting back to work!!! I never thought we could get back to the simple blessing of normalcy, but I am glad to say we are working into it. There are a few things that I didn't expect that I thought I would share, just in case you have cranial surgery and Glioblastoma at any time in the near future. Consider it a "Hint's from Heloise" moment!

    Every Brain patient is different! Depending on where and to what degree your tumor is, you are going to have some issues. This could be as simple as short term memory, or full blown anxiety attacks. You need to be patient with yourself, and ask your co workers to be patient with you! Remember, while you were off work fighting your Dragon they were still in full blown work mode. Just remind them, you are coming back and trying to work up to speed as quickly as you can. They will understand! 

    Secondly, try to give your self a lot of room! This is because we need rest and time to continue to fight! This cancer stuff will take it out of you, and if you are trying to do too much it will make you rest. One of the best pieces of advise I received was to rest before I got tired, by the time I knew I was tired, I was also completely worn out.

     The Good news? It gets easier every day. I work a physical job, and at first it was difficult to get the energy. but as time goes on, it gets better and better. You'll still be tired and worn out by Friday, but it gets easier as time goes by.

     The Great News? I am back working with some of my dearest friends. I am back to looking at jobs and figuring things out. My brain is doing what it's supposed to,although not always speedy, it is thinking about something other than the Bitch that is Cancer. If you have worked your entire life, having something to do makes you feel whole. It's great to strap the tools back on and get back to thinking about something other than negativity. Here's to all of you that work and Love it! Keep it positive, it's not always easy, but it certainly is a large part of who we are! Enjoy your week and think good thoughts. Hug your babies every chance you get and forgive often and gently!

Skip

Charity In Motion, Unselfishly Giving

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm,I get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.

McCartney

    From the time I was a child, one of my Mom's lessons was that no matter how little you have, you need to give back. " Even if you are poor, you share what you have with those less fortunate." We gave at Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, and we collected for UNICEF at Halloween. It was a good lesson, because when you are closer to poverty, you understand how much more is needed by those who are truly impoverished.

    Growing up we mostly took. We were "welfare kids", and we received. I would go to the school office on Monday morning and pick up Blue lunch tickets for the week. They were for the free lunch program. We wore, for the most part, Clothes from Goodwill. Even the small amounts of cash that Mom could scrape up was by buying my grandmothers groceries with Food Stamps and Grandma would reimburse her with cash. At Christmas, they had a place called " The Santa Claus shop". If you were struggling, they would ask how many kids you had and give you "Santa Buck's" for a small shop, of donated toys.

    When I grew older, it always stuck with me, the need to give back.I wanted my children to know how well we had it. Every year, we would donate to Toys For Tots. Every Christmas we would teach the kids about giving to those who were less fortunate and I would vehemently defend single parents struggling who received charity, so quickly cast off as Welfare people. I didn't do any great acts, I was trying to raise a family myself, but I knew my personal life was much better off than my mom's and I wanted to teach what charity was with my children.

    About 8 years ago, I met through my Friend Pat Looney, a group of people who are walking the charity walk. They are a local group of guys and women called The Lake City Western Vigilantes. Originally it was a group of local businessmen, who could quickly be deputized and called into service to help the Police in Lake City Washington. Secondarily, they would dress up like cowboys at local festivals and raise money for kids in need in the area. As time went by they we were no longer needed to help the police, but the group became closer and fundraising became the main goal. 7 years ago I joined this great family to raise money for kids and share quality friendship time. They are my second family and dear friends with truly Hearts larger than most.

     One of the hardest parts of having a life altering ailment, is just that. It alters your life. The day I had my seizure, my world went a different direction. I was hospitalized, had surgery and could not see going back to work for a while. I was somewhat a captive as I recovered and went through treatment. GBM has two sides, the recovering and hoping side, and the getting worse side. Either side is tough on all. What i didn't expect was the depression side. As you wait, you think. And as you think, you miss the life that is going on around you. I have missed Summer. Weekends at the lake, time with my Grandkids, Trips on my friends boat,and raising money for kids.  I know it sounds trivial but when you are going through Chemo and Radiation, you need a lot of sleep and its the hardest thing for people to understand, because you look so normal, but you feel so lousy.

     As Summer comes to a close, a friend of ours, Kristy Hill, decides we need an end of summer party. A chance for us to get together with the Vigilante family and have a barbecue. It will be easier on me as we can have it at the lake, so I can bail back to the trailer if need be, and still hang out with everyone. I was looking forward to it.

    The day was saddened a bit as we attended a memorial service for a friend who had passed away. It was a beautiful service and well attended. After we headed up to the lake. I took a short nap as Heather and Mary made coleslaw and went down to the party about 6:15.

     I was completely surprised ! Instead of 30 or so people, this was closer to 150 people! It was a surprise benefit fundraiser for me! I have never in my life had a surprise party! There were people from work, contractors I have worked for, Friends from the brewhouse, and my dearest friends, the Freebergs and the Stewarts. There were Pirates, there were retired Vigilantes,there were Lake Connor friends and more!

    I was humbled and thrilled at the same time. Not only had so many people came out to celebrate, they had a full blown auction to raise money.Kristy had contacted the lady that owned the trailer we were planning to buy when I had the seizure, and she made a deal to help us out as well! Chuck Mellinger is a great auctioneer and with so many being so generous, not only did we raise enough to buy the trailer, we made enough to put a dent in our medical expenses at the same time!What an amazing night! People brought food, the brewhouse brought beer, everyone was so generous and we felt incredibly blessed!

     I believe in the circle of life. I have been blessed to watch it go round, to go from child to adult, from adult to parent, from parent to grandparent and now to the autumnal side. But nothing will ever warm my heart like the unselfish caring and giving of friends. Thank you seems entirely too contrite, but i will tell everyone thank you personally. Until then, let me tell you all how proud I am to be your friend. That you are the type of people I want to be, a giving loving wonderful ball of family taking care of others unselfishly. You are the glue that is holding this fight, and this lucky man together. I Love you all.

Skip

Annnnnnndddddd breathe!!!!!

An MRI contrast scan

    Yesterday was a very anxious day. I had read many peoples post's regarding "scanxiety" when you get your MRI, let me tell you, it is very real! It started about Friday when the reality set in that we were going to have to see real evidence of what was happening in my head. As the weekend went on, I grew more concerned and moodier. The fact is, it is much harder than I thought to stay positive as the inevitable grew closer..... Me! The most  upbeat, laugh at death person, was starting to dwell on the negative. I had read a post regarding the toll that Chemo and Radiation takes on your brain and that combined with the unknown of status of the Dragon was almost too much.

    Thankfully, my support crew lifted me up and helped clear my head. I went in apprehensively but positive.I was surrounded with Love ( and nervousness) and we went to the hospital.

    Now, If you are going through this, a little bit of advise. When they ask if you want music, take it. The last MRI I had was noisy , uncomfortable, and claustrophobic. I seriously wanted to escape! This time with the knowledge of the experience, I was prepared. The Billy Joel playing in the headphones somewhat quelled the endless droning noise of the machine. Also realize, 15 minutes in there feels like an hour so just lay back and relax.

    With that task out of the way, we went to see the Rock Star Doctors. As always, Dr one is prompt, talkative and nice, but very curt. I couldn't look at the monitor as he went into the scan, so I watched Jenae's face. I knew she would know what she was looking at. Finally, I saw that ever pleasant,oh so familiar smile come across her face! " It appears that there is nothing here, but signs of a surgery" Rockstar said. So no growth? "Nothing" said Rockstar! This is the best news possible, and after some maintenance instructions, the Dr shakes our hands and leaves. Mary hugged me, Heather hugged me and we all sighed a great sigh of relief. We left the hospital knowing that we were on the path we desired the most.

     Please understand, this is not nearly the end. Glioblastoma can and will rise up again at some point.We will continue to take the Chemo and other myriad of drugs. But today, the battle was ours. All the trips to the hospital,all the radiation,all the sickness went rushing out of me like a woman who has given birth and forgotten the pain! I bought a little more time! I went to a little bistro with my three favorite ladies and toasted a victory. Life is sweet and not quite as short for certain today !

    Again, thank you all for your strength and passion. Mine is but one small life blessed to be touched by all of you. The thoughtfulness and kindness you have all gifted me with restores my strength and will to go on! I can never say it enough.

    As always, hug each other and forgive easily, and take an extra deep breath of life for me!

Skip

Chemotherapy and Radiation, a Love/Hate Relationship.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.

                                                                                 Johnny Nash 

Finally finished with the Radiology!

    On Wednesday, we reached the final goal in round two! We said goodbye to our old friends, radiology and chemotherapy! It is a great physical relief to have this process complete! We celebrated with Family most of the afternoon, and though it meant napping most of the way home, it meant many sigh's of relief as well.

    FYI... GBM (Glioblastoma Multiforme) is the most aggressive form of Cancer there is. Most people find out they have a brain tumor, have surgery to remove as much as they can, and then SURPRISE... it grows back! The standard operating procedure is to let your brain heal, usually 3-4 weeks, and then start an aggressive battle with a combination of tactics. We chose (who am I kidding, the Rockstar Dr chose) Radiation, Temodar (Chemotherapy), and a clinical trial. If your going into a fight, take the biggest guns you got!

    After a week or so, we had an adverse reaction to the clinical drug. This was not fun (as I wrote about before) but the Dr's were quick to cut our losses and gave up on that sticking with the other two. After getting back on track,we set about our pattern.

    Everyone who goes through this process will have a different experience. I have found what I feel is a great resource for me on Facebook. It is called https://www.facebook.com/groups/gbm4cure/. This was the best and at the same time the worst thing I have ever read, and do not recommend it for anyone who is mildly inquisitive. It is a sometimes happy, sometimes incredibly sad look into the world of anyone who is dealing with GBM or loving someone who's dealing with GBM. I could only read a little, then cry and look away. Over a couple of weeks, I built up the callouses in my heart and found that most of these family's are reaching out to each other for advise, and comfort, and celebration. It's been a source of strength and sadness. Mostly, a kindred-ship of a family unlucky enough to have to fight the horrible Dragon to lean on each other.

     I am lucky, the toxic combination had a fairly small impact on me. I had to be very careful about when I ate, what I ate, and making sure the medicines were on schedule. Other than that, I learned what the definition of "Fatigue" was. I was tired everyday. I came home, ate lunch and slept for 4 hours every afternoon. I would progressively, go downhill as the week wore on and slept most of the weekend. By Monday, I was better and back to fighting again. Luckily, no sickness, minimal pain and generally just worn out.

    The Silver Cloud? It ends! After 4-6 weeks, they give you your final treatment, tell you take 3 weeks off from Chemo and send you away from the hospital! I feel amazing! Afyer the first day, you feel like that Claritan commercial where all becomes incredibly clear. I also have my energy back! I am not foggy             ( Although I will still use the excuse, hey, It's Brain Cancer!) and I am able to eat when and what I want. Life is good!

    If you are in the trenches going through this, I am sorry. Its not easy or fun, but it's your best and first shot at beating back the Dragon. Just know that there is a little light at the end and battle on. We will get the MRI on Sept 10 and I am sure the scanziety will kick in before then but for the next few weeks, I will cook for Sweet Mary, play with my sweet grandbabies and hang with good friends in the knowledge that Dave Matthews is right, Life is short but sweet for certain.

    To all my friends, thank you for sacrificing and driving me, writing me my beautiful letters, and just being the amazing people you are. My family...this "struggle" is just proof that our Love holds no bounds. You set down your lives and carry me when I am weak. Our bond is eternal! Thanks All. Hug each other and share as much Love as you can.

   Skip

My Great Loves III

They are one person, they are two alone, they are three together, they are four each other.

Crosby Stills Nash and Young 

At the Old House

    I was so anxious to move out when I graduated High School, that I had actually put a deposit on an apartment the week before I graduated. I was working full time and move into my own place the weekend after graduation. This.... was heaven. Solitude. I could buy cookies, or coffee and it was still there the next day! I would put away records and they would stay in the jackets! I could just enjoy my private, personal life.

    There was only one problem. I had no concept of budgeting or planning . I would get paid, party hard , and be broke by Monday! It only took me till August before I had no phone, no power and no real food to speak of. Luckily, a friend of mine from DECA was working at a restaurant. Her name was Heather ( she is the reason I named my Daughter Heather because she was beautiful and kind and I liked both trademarks) and she arranged for an impromptu interview with the manager. If any of you ever worked at a Sambos or a Denny's or a similar all night restaurant you know you don't need a lot of skills! I wore my best Disco pant's and polyester shirt ( Angels Flight, google it) and was hired immediately. I was a host. My job the first night consisted of sitting drunk guy's in the cute waitresses section and drunk women in the hot waiters section! It was easy, busy and time flew! I would pour coffee and by 4:30 a.m. I had earned a free meal and a $5.00 tip! I walked back to my apartment, stopped by the 7-11 for 8 ounces of Folgers and a pack of Marlboro's and quickly fell asleep in the happiness of simple capitalism!

     About 2 weeks later, as the bar rush hit, two very attractive ladies were seated in my section. I introduced myself and met my true companion. Her name was Mary Bodey, she had moved to Colorado to go to college, and she had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen! By the fact that she returned and ate scallops almost every night for a week, I assumed she was interested as well. Eventually, we started dating and within a couple of months, we were living in sin. After all it was the Seventies!

    As I came to know this lady, I realized one major factor. She was everything calm, that my life had been crazy. She was raised, in the same home, by two parents, had always gone to the same school and had a depth of spirit that could slow my madness down and make everything right. And even bigger than that, she had a depth of Love and loyalty that I had never known.In a matter of months, I knew that at any time,she would take up her sword and protect me, right or wrong, and it gave me a whole new outlook on my life. We married on June 23,1979.

Mary 1979

    It took us 4 years, but finally we were blessed with the birth of our son Christopher. He was (and is) an amazing constant source of joy. 13 months later, the delight of my life, Heather came into the world. We had the perfect circle. Life was a blessing as I finally became the Father i never had.

    In 1987, the oil boom in Colorado had hit the skids. It was hard times and work was scarce. We finally bit it, took out bankruptcy and decided we needed new horizons. We were down to 3 choices and after much discussion opted for Seattle. We sold most everything we had, scraped together $1900.00 and headed for the Northwest.

    I will tell you a great secret. Seattle is a most wonderful place. If you've never been here,do so. It is a beautiful, gentle vibrant place with kind people and great heart. It doesn't rain here as much as people say and even when it does, its a soft rain. There are mountains, and oceans, and trails, and the history of the area is amazing. I studied the history and take great pride in pretending to know about growing up in this wonderful city. It is my home, and will always be. Denver is a great place, but Seattle lives within me.

     Moving here, we had no family or friends. Mary's family lived out at the very end of the state, so we saw them rarely. This was a mixed blessing. Without others around, we became a closer, tighter family. We did everything with our children, camped, played games, played catch every night and most importantly, grew a tightness around us that still holds us today. The small seed that Mary had started in 1979 had grown into a warm loving family that relished in our bond. My life had become a strength, a compass, that I had grown up being envious of. I am a very lucky man.

    As adults, both Chris and Heather have been blessed to meet their true companions. They are raising babies, working, and mapping out their own futures, much to my joy. But as I sit back and reflect on the path that fate has skipped us down, I know this. Mary has always been my caregiver, and me hers. We have seen youth, and passion, and anger, and aging, and of course, cancer. In the end there is a calm tranquility that tells me " Everything is fine, Mary's here".

    Bless you if you are fortunate to have found your soul mate. Not everyone does. But more importantly, let those around you know that success is not a tangible thing but a strength that can't be quelled! May your circle keep rolling around! Enjoy every day

Skip

My Great Loves II

I'm a Hard Workin' Man, I wear a steel hardhat. I can ride,rope hammer and paint,do things with my hands that most men can't.

                                                                                                           Brooks & Dunn

                                                                Chris Bonding a Service

    One day I arrived home from Junior High to see a stand out, beautiful 1956 Ford Shortbed Pickup parked out front of our aparment building. It was Red, with lots of chrome, and beautiful lettering on the doors. "NHL Electric, 798-4015". I was more surprised to find out it was a visitor, my adopted step dad had come to court my Mom.

    My mother had married Ike Bonnell in 1961. He was an apprentice electrician, and had told her that he wanted to adopt Rick & I as he could not bare children himself. Both were not quite true. Although he did adopt Rick & I ( Terry Brassfield , my birth father, signed our adoption rights in lieu of 200.00 back support) the miracle was my Mom got pregnant. Even though he had no insurance, Denver General would deliver indigents and they had a friend who could watch Rick & I. The caveat came in the middle of the night a few hours after Mikes entrance into the world. Shortly after Ike had gone to bed, the Arapahoe county Sherriff's paid a visit to Ike. Thinking there was a problem with the baby, he answered the door. He was being arrested. He had failed to explain to my Mom, or the pastor, or the adoption court, that he had a wife and 3 children in Battle Creek Michigan.

    Needless to say he was immediately extradited to Michigan and charged with bigomy, once again leaving my Mom with no way to get the new baby home, let alone anything to wear. She called the babysitter watching us to drive her home.

    The history between Mom and Ike was to say the least, fire and ice. A Bonnie and Clyde like off & on relationship that had us all convinced he was pretty much Satan. Over the years (and trust me, I don't have the time to explain it all) it was a continuous up and down dance that included theft, blackmail, pornography, 2 trips to Jail, several moves across Colorado and a shooting. It also included a strange attraction that kept bringing the 2 of them back together.

    There he was, Mom cooking him a steak and he smoking a cigar. We were to find out later that night that he was kicking his current wife out over the weekend and we were moving in. Of course, we were to call him Dad, and be respectful. Over the next month he cut me a deal. He would pay me 2.00 an hour, save a dollar from every hour and teach me to be an Electrician. This was a great deal! I hated school so badly, I could ditch whenever and I was making money.

    It was over the next 3 years that I developed a Love for electrical work. Although Mom & Nick ( he had changed his name to Nick Long and we of course changed ours) split the sheets, I had a trade. I finally did graduate High School, a year late, and searched out a job as an apprentice. Since 1979, I have worked as an Electrician. It's the best thing I ever received from any "Dad" in my life.I have spent 43 years building, wiring, and designing something by hand. I take great pride in my Blue Collar ability and always have.

    This is the 2nd hardest part of fighting the dragon after the obvious 800 pound gorilla of knowing what GBM is. All my life, I have wakened at 4:00 am and planned a day. Some days are very physical, others are easy but everyday there is production. Going through the radiation and the Chemotherapy, I cannot work. It is the strangest feeling ever.

    We all have work. Whether you go to an office, take care of a home, clean bathrooms, or repair cars we have a task. I miss that the most. It is one of my driving forces through this fight is to get back to being part of a viable work force. My work is my interaction with the world.Its my connection and my very tie to the world.

    If you are suffering through a battle, I am sorry, hopefully, you can get through this and get back to planning your life! If you Love and miss the vitalness of being, hopefully it will be a great motivator for you as well.I focus on the day when I can strap on my tools and do something creative and productive. Here's to the workers everywhere. Enjoy your Day!!

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